Authority Etiquette

Photo: Dr. Martin Luther King giving a speech in front of a crowd.

The History

In the Medieval period society was very codified. Meaning it was strictly, and systematically governed by laws. Such laws can be moral (biblical and enforced by the church), formal (enforced by the ruling power/police), or societal. By societal  law, I am referring to laws which are dictated and enforced by societies and cultures. These laws are informal in nature, but this in no way lessens the serious affect they had on people.

This post will focus on two intersecting, and correlational laws. The first is the moral and ethical code referred to as chivalry. According to this code you must: obey those placed in authority, fear god and maintain 'his' church (respect/uphold religious authority), and always serve your liege lord. This basically called for an unconditional, and unquestioning faith in authority.

There were also laws that arranged society into different classes of people. Known as the feudal class hierarchy the few and powerful were at the top, and the many and powerless were at the bottom. The hierarchy was as follows: God and his earthy representative at the top, followed by the Monarch, nobles (liege lords), knights, the working class (merchants, and farmers) and then came  peasants in at last place. There was no room to maneuver in the system. The class you were born into would most likely be the class you died in.

The Custom:

Therefore, it was customary to respect those in authority. The aforementioned laws inherently enforced and perpetuated this class hierarchy. Well, technically all Medieval laws did. By engineering obedient, unquestioning members of society the class hierarchy remained unchallenged. It would be anarchy to transcend the class (with all its barriers) that you were born into.

Most people are still taught to respect authority, and to do as they are told. For the most part there is no harm in this. Children should respect parents and teachers, adults should respect the law, etc. However, when you raise a population from birth to blindly do as they are told things can go from good, to bad, to worse very quickly.

The verdict: Leave it (stick it to the man)

I would like to clarify: I am not saying loose all respect for authority. Rather, do not blindly adhere to those who hold positions of power. Question, debate, and engage in your government, relationships, and lives. Do what you are told, only if it is the right thing to do. For example: it is a good thing to obey the speed limit, and other laws. But, it was also a good thing that Dr. Martin Luther King challenged power structures, and societal norms which were backward and unjust.

Hannah Ardent, a philosopher, wrote about what she called the "banality of evil". She argued evil wasn't monstrous, demonic, or other worldly. Rather, the greatest evil occurs when normal people refuse to think critically. This type of behaviour allows for things like the holocaust to occur. Normal citizens, for the most part, just did as they were told. A sentiment reiterated time, and time again during the trial of Eichmann (Nazi). Never forget to think before you act.

Flower Etiquette

Photo: A field of daisies

The History:

In Medieval society dating, and courtship rituals were quite different from that of today. First of all, dating was not something that was taken lightly. If a person was spending time with their intended it was as a means to an end not simply 'hanging out'. It would have also been chaperoned. It was of the utmost importance that honour, virtue and chastity (just to be clear we are talking about virginity) were preserved.

For knights who took an oath of chivalry it was their duty to protect and honour those weaker, and lesser than themselves. There also  was specific stipulations about upholding the honour and reputation of women throughout the code itself. Therefore, one could not simply kiss their significant other or tell them how they felt.

This was because:
A). They would never be alone
B). People would speculate something dishonourable was occurring.

Also at this time the concept of love began to make an appearance in the world of relationships. But, it was not necessary as many people still married for reasons of class, wealth, and finding an 'appropriate' match. Many relationships were arranged at the time.

The Custom:

It was from this historical, and social landscape that the concept of giving coded gifts as symbols of affection arose. Since the couple would not be alone together they could, instead, pass notes and gifts to one another. This allowed for intimacy, privacy, and some degree of secrecy in relationships.

Tokens of affection took various forms: actual love tokens, poems, and most notably flowers. The language of flowers (floriography) has existed for thousands of years but was extremely popular in Medieval, and Victorian times. Every flower carried a specific meaning, and books or lists were used to help both the giver and receiver decipher the intended message.

For example:
Daisy - innocence
Ivy - Fidelity
Lavender - Distrust
Lilac - First Love
**Click here for a longer list**

The Verdict: Love it (don't leaf it)
There is nothing wrong with letting your significant other know you are thinking of them, or how you truly feel. The language of flowers has been lost in translation from the Medieval period into modernity. However, the original meaning a flower carried is not what is important; it is the thought that counts.

It is simply good manners to show up to a date, or a party with flowers. Or to offer flowers as a sign of congratulations or affection. It does not simply have to be a guy giving a girl flowers. Rather friends, women, parents, etc. taking the time to say 'I care' without actually saying it. 

Defense etiquette

Photo: Women marching for equality in the 70's.

The History:

The code of chivalry was a code comprised of moral principles used to govern the lives of noblemen. The principles included, but were not limited to: protecting the weak and defenseless, fighting for the welfare of all, respecting the honour of women, and to abstaining from unfairness/meanness. These regulations all basically meant one thing: do the 'right' thing.

When faced with ethical dilemmas the knights, clad in shining armor, were obligated by the code of chivalry to do the right thing. They were called to protect those that may not have been able to protect themselves. In medieval times women would have fallen into this category. Historically, women lacked the basic human rights, education, and social standing that would have allowed them to come to their own defense.  

Therefore, this role would have fallen into the lap of men (most likely an armored, horseback lap). Men, according to the code of chivalry, were responsible for protecting and defending women from injustice, offense, and/or attack.

*Aside: this is slightly ironic due to the fact that Medieval society, social codes and customs were built upon deep seated power imbalances.  Even by the code of chivalry itself. Women were treated unjustly, and offensively. In an ironic twist, therefore, knights would technically be responsible for fighting the very power structures that gave them the power to do so.*

The Custom:

The damsel in distress being saved by her knight in shining armor is a well-known archetype. The custom being evaluated is just that: should men come to the aid of their female counterparts? Should men stand up, stand behind, or stay out of behavior which is offensive or unjust?

It was long customary for men to come to the defense of women, but recently this has fallen by the way side. There is a lot of speculation that this is because men do not want to appear sexist. That maybe jumping to a woman’s defense implies she is incapable of mounting her own.

The Verdict: LOVE IT (a custom worth defending)

Defending women, or any person when you have the ability to do so is immensely important. People empowered and disempowered by structures, customs, or cultures must collectively work towards a positive change.

Being a passive is an act of silent praise; a show of support. By staying silent in these types of situations one is condoning the behavior in question.

It is important for everyone to stand together. Regardless of gender, or sex it important for people to defend one another. This is especially important today with the rise of bullying, murders in the LGBTQ community, and youth suicides.

Stay tuned for new posts each week!

**If you or anyone you know needs assistance the following resources are available:
Domestic Violence Support
Suicide Prevention
Anti-bullying/kids help

Door Etiquette

Photo: the front end of a vintage car

The History:

There are, in fact, a number of historical reasons behind men holding the door open for women. Today, we will explore the main reasons: the ancient code of chivalry, and female fashion. In order to get to the heart of this custom it makes sense to begin, at well, the beginning. The medieval code of chivalry demanded that knights/gentlemen protect those weaker, or lesser, than themselves.

Also, it should be noted that female fashion has not historically been the most practical. Women wore dresses with corsets, hoop skirts, and many more layers which tended to make it awkward to maneuver about . Women, at times, simply needed help negotiating their way through doorways.

The custom:

When staring down an open door it is not uncommon to hear the statement "ladies first," and so we have arrived at the custom. "Women and children first," applied, originally, in situations where harm or danger was imminent. 

The vulnerable, weaker people would be saved first in this seemingly 'noble' act. For example: on the titanic women and children boarded the life boats first until it was deemed the boats were at capacity

In our modern life of relative safety it is no longer common to find oneself in a situation where harm or danger looms. Women's priority boarding has shifted from the life boats of yesterday, to buildings or cars. Offering to open a door for women is how this tradition evolved.

However, offering to open a car door for a women is a pregnant action. It not only bears all of the historical significance previously discussed, but much more. Men would walk to the passenger door for two reasons: men were the assumed drivers, and women could not always drive cars. These reasons were built upon deeply embedded gendered stereotypes.

The Verdict: LEAVE IT (that door is better left shut)

Anything which is predicated on the fact women are the weaker sex, and can't drive should be left in the past. That being said: I think people, in general, should open the door for everyone.

If someone is right behind you take an extra two seconds and brighten someone's day. But the dated stereotypes and female first mentality should be shut out.

Stay tuned for a new post next week!

Hat etiquette

Photo: Men wearing hats in the 1920s

The History:

This custom of chivalry dates all the way back to the days of knights in shining armour. Suits of armour were designed to protect every last inch of the body including the head. The helmet part of the armour, however, made it hard to recognize the person underneath the metal as friend or foe.

Out of this difficulty the tradition arose: men lifted their visor to demonstrate that they were friendly and nonthreatening. Therefore, it became custom for men to lift their visors or remove their helmet in the presence of a lady. This was also customary when passing other knights, or people in general.

The Custom:

The tradition which was born in the days of yore, or perhaps more accurately lore, managed to find its way within the modern world. You may be asking yourself: how is this possible?

Clearly, the suit of armour did not persist into modernity. The metal helmet was replaced with first the top hat, the fedora and then later on with the cap (most recently baseball caps).

Like male fashion, the custom evolved. Men no longer lifted their visors but tipped their hats. This act was no longer to reveal an obscured friendly face but rather served as a cordial gesture. It still said 'I'm a friend' to those it was directed at.


This act of chivalry became so engrained in western culture almost every man tipped his hat at one point. Whether it was a way of saying hello, thank you, or more broadly respect/admiration this was ultimately a sign of good manners. It became a normal social custom and was, for a time, a deeply engrained behaviour.

The Verdict: LOVE IT (Hats off to this one)!

In total honesty the entire tipping your hat custom is not something that stirred up passionate feelings one way, or the other. But, it is a harmless gesture of respect so this shifted the scales in its favour. It also did not hurt that it is directed at both sexes and there is equality in that.

Stay tuned for more. There will be a new blog post every week!

Walking Etiquette

Photo: Couple walking arm in arm

The History:
Historically, swords were sheathed on the right side and hung at a mans waist. This was due to the fact that the majority of people are right handed. It allowed quick access to a person's weapon. Back when danger could be lurking around any corner, or within any passing glance this was important.

The Custom:

The proper way to escort a lady is for the man to offer her his left arm. Thus, freeing up his right arm and allowing him to protect the honor, and safety of his lady friend. This tradition still applies indoors. However, the industrial revolution added a new problem into the equation: cars. 

With the rise of motorized, or wheeled vehicles etiquette had to evolve. It is now considered proper for a man to position himself closest to the street with the female farthest away from the traffic. This would protect her from physical harm, and hopefully any dirt/water splashing up on her clothes.

The Verdict: LOVE IT (runaway success )

I think offering a woman any arm is something worth bringing back, and so I say this act of chivalry deserves a comeback.

It is slightly problematic to assume that women still need to be protected by a male figure. But, I think this is a relatively harmless social custom that doesn't infringe on the autonomy of anyone.


Stay tuned for more. There will be a new post every week! 

Chivalry: Then & Now

Photo: Man holding the door for a woman.

   This is the question this blog will ultimately try to answer in each post. The Western concept of chivalry was introduced, roughly, somewhere around the 10th century AD. When people hear this term, they often think of a moral idealistic code that knights of yore lived by. This is only partly true.

  

The Code of Chivalry was a flawed, at times contradictory, code by which the aristocracy modeled their lives. It applied to both men, and women. This code faded out of memory until the Victorian era when it saw a revival in literature, and then the culture.

   Here is where the idealistic, romanticized version of the code emerged. Knights on epic campaigns selflessly sacrificing for the ones they love, and the innocent featured heavily in such stories. However, in reality it was often much more problematic. The chivalry is based upon strict binary gender roles: hyper-masculine males, and submissive hyper-feminine women.  

   You may be asking yourself: why should I care about an ancient code, surely it doesn't affect me? Each blog post will begin by looking at how historically enriched customs deemed acts of 'chivalry' have transitioned into the modern day. It will also explore the impact they have on our lives. From this a judgement can be made: should we reintroduce, or encourage this behaviour or should we leave it by the wayside?

Click here for more on the history of chivalry.